obviously i'm not trying hard enough.

nevermind that gary glitter is high out of this galaxy.


also



am i wrong in saying that the most shocking part of this is the fact that it was with girls?

razzle dazzle 'em.

is this the coolest or WHAT!?

where's this at?

this was one of my favorite shows. surprise.

story time!

i once stole one of these from a frat party but it wouldn't fit in the cab so i was forced to leave it on the street corner.

i like to think that the subsequent groups of people who happened to walk by this palm tree just sitting on the corner or 64th and 9th continue to tell the story. and maybe people stopped to take photos with it?

see, i like to excuse my delinquency by imagining that my bad deeds somehow are for the greater good or bring joy into the lives of others.

oh hi bianca.

you are the modern jesus.

im curing my hangover by drinking 5 drinks.

i said this to 5 people also. none of them asked which drinks. i'm flummoxed. that would be my first question.

so to answer my question:

i said aloud 'dragonfruit eh? yeah i could definitely do dragonfruit right now.'




out of everything i think that the two waters are really doing the most for me.

i think i'm having a very sensual day. i nearly had a love affair with the cottage cheese i ate for breakfast. it was the "BEST THING EVER!! MY TASTE BUDS WERE MADE FOR THIS MOMENT!!!!'

i may or may not be over the top today.

santa baby

dear santa

i think i've been a good person this year, however i can't say that with any real certainty. i've tried to be polite, less judgemental, warmer, more understanding, patient, courageous, and open. in return i've deepend my friendships, felt more secure and present in love, so much more comfortable with family, and more confident and pleased with work. what blessings. i've of course had moments of irresponsibilty, wrecklessness, insensitivity, fear, malice, sadness, and outright ugliness. i always feel regretful for having fallen into such easy ways of reacting to and dealing with situations, but...you pick yourself up and realize those are your lows.

so again, i can't say with any authority whether i'm naughty or nice. but i'm mindful...and doesn't that count fer sumfin?

here are the following sumfins i'd like it to count for, should it at all:

1) i would like my ceiling to stop leaking. and my floor to stop leaking into the dry clearner downstairs as well.

2) i'd like a claw foot tub with a wrap around shower curtain. but it has to be installed near the wall. otherwise i have nowhere to put my hair.

3) a new, energy efficient refrigerator. something is making my con ed bills outrageous and i have a sneaking suspicion that's it.

4) a really expensive mattress pad. space-age technology.

5) those amazing purple glass, irredescent plates from crate + barrel spring 08. i think they were called...oyster collection? don't hold me to that.

6) french doors on my room. and on justin's room for that matter. the dining room needs light. badly.

7) a new, grown-up couch. but i'd even just settle for a new futon cover.

8) a rocking chair? i don't know...i'm reaching now.

9) a club chair.

10) a perfect bookshelf for my office.

11) more books.

12) more plants. endless amounts of plants and books.

so...just let me know.

xxS

i know exactly how you feel

this happens to me every morning they don't have blueberrry oatmeal muffins at the coffee shop. it's a hard, hard knock life.

community health clinic

I have a dear friend that recommended this place to me. Her exact words were 'it' amazing and so clean and nice'. I came back for my lab results today and a woman that barely speaks anything, let alone english barked at me to 'YOU COME RIGHT NOW WITH ME' after calling me tiffany porter.Over the course of my 5 minute interview with this heavenly creature, by far my favorite question was in response to me saying I was here for my follow up: 'follow up for what?'

YOURE THE ONE HOLDING MY CHART. Unless of course your holding Tiffany Porters chart. Then I can see why you're confused.

in case you maybe thought i was cool.

although i don't know what would bring one to that conclusion.

so anyways. while looking for a proper trailer for the voyage of the dawn treader (I KNOW!) i found this.



i can't even laugh. it's that funny. this may rival the paddling kitty. may.



also, i'd just like to say to my sister - if you thought i was obsessed with the book...look out.

i see you rafael.

and i laugh and laugh and laugh. god i'm lucky to know only the most hilarious people ever.

holler at your boy.

better get those prayers out!

IN THE DOG HOUSE THIS WEEK IS....

JOSH STONE.
so i sez to him, i sez:

JASH! I was laughing so hard about dr. snutts I cried! also I walked by savorNY the other day and I cried then too. but that was from sadness.

he sez to me, he sez:

what's savorNY!?

...

josh. you are officially banished from the best friend forever house to the dog house. but just for the week! cause i'll miss you too much! i probs come bring you a casserole everyday.

is this seat taken?

how was the movie? oh, ya know...AWESOME. duh. but more importantly, how were the staaaaaaaaars?

whoa. whoa. whoa.

first of all it's UNBELIEVABLE how attractive adrian brody is. god's gift, ladies. GOD'S. GIFT.



ok well maybe he looked a bit like chuck noland last night...but still those eyes. what color would you say those are? hypnotizing? is that a color? i want to have your baby boys? yes.

but enough about that. his girlfriend is also so hot.


aside from her being gorgeous, just watching her gives you an idea of why they are so in love. she was sort of like a baby in a woman's body, slouching somewhat inelegantly over the seats in front of her to talk to his parents, munching on popcorn, drinking a coke, all in her tighter than tight sequin mini dress and perfectly coifed hair. body language that made you want to pinch her and tell her to sit up straight. body language that was marilyn-esque almost, now that i think of it. i can imagine that marilyn monroe probably slumped in her seat or chewed with her mouth open or had some other habit that was surprising and slightly unbecoming, but mostly i bet it just made her all the more captivating. anyways, elsa got the green light (uh huh huh huh).

what a perfect segue.


beyonce, listen, i don't care what you say about you and sasha and any other weird personalities you got in there to protect yourself on stage...you are without a doubt the fiercest creature. in real life. in real time. even when you're trying to stand up and take a bow and you get your shoe caught in your dress and fall back into your seat. never saw someone fall so well.



i wish i had the footage of her the very next night. no costume changes, no set changes, no choreography changes. no no. she looked those stairs and those heels in the face and said I DARE YOU TO DO THAT AGAIN. bone crusher anyone?

at any rate, she was so cute, didn't eat or drink a thing, and didn't speak publicly once before, during, or after the movie or during the party. she did however hug a lot.

did i mention that jay z may or may not be half giant?

did i also mention that puff daddy felt it necessary to wear his full length camel hair coat complete with fur trim collar inside the movie theater? he also found it necessary to show up right as the opening credits started, forcing me to get up to make room for said man (read: said coat) to pass.

how about that i asked cedric the entertainer where the bathroom was? i know full well where the bathroom is in that theater. and it's not even that i was just trying to speak to him. believe it or not, i can control myself most of the time. even around large, luscious, dangerously famous mens like cedric the entertainer.



i think more than having to pee half way through the film, i really just had to step out and get some air. i mean...i was sitting in the same row as beyonce for goodness sake. a girl's gotta breathe.

basically i stepped out of the theater and just turned to the first person i saw. really my voice just had to get out. what i needed to say was 'OMG DID YOU KNOW BEYONCE'S IN THERE?!' but what came out was 'scuse me where's the restroom?' better believe i got the death stare from his assistant, but mr. the entertainer was so nice and seemed a lil tickled at my gaff. it doesn't hurt that i'm cute like a mouse wearing pajamas when i try.



but really i have to say the highlight of the night was giving a 17 year old super fan jamilla an extra ticket that we happened to have. i thought she was gonna faint!

this almost ruined my life.

i had such a lovely morning walk replete with coffee, and songs, and wonderful, gorgeous, bouncy hair. perf.

i got in to work early (which always makes me feel like a million bucks!) and so i sat down with a fresh cup of coffee, a clif bar™, and prepared to have a listen to all my back logged 'this american life'. but as i pressed play, apparently a saved session of firefox opened at the same time, unbeknownest to me, and started playing this.



thanks jesse!