may as well mexico! (part deux)

nope. definitely not new york. thanks be to allah.


i couldn't figure it out. really, i only tried once then fell asleep immediately.


denise is overcome.


this dog is overcome. and he lives here!


oh hi la saladita, population 23.


i do love my family.


mid way through waiting for lunch i decided i was wiped and took a sun break. it literally took an hour to get our 'coffee' (aka not coffee at all, but rather...poison.)


this dude with the surfboard has a horn on his hat. see all the dogs? those are all his. there are six in the photo, but there were 2 more. at this point, to my knowledge the horn and the dogs are unrelated but as i learned 2 nights hence during a game of 20 questions, the horn is used to round up the dogs. apparently there is never a reason to raise one's voice.



i don't know but i love it.


oh hello. took long enough.



this was how we got our food. or rather. these boats belong to the people who caught and sold us our food. vacation is no time to be robinson crusoe.


oh! i just miss it so much.





the fact that it seems as though he's putting on sunscreen is funny. i mean, yes that is what olivia is doing, but really i think he must've taken a shower right after this because he was a burned piece of toast.



so much giggling in here.


and here.


and probably here too.


star moon star moon star moon star moon star moon star moon.


casa esmeralda!


our downstairs neighbors were about 50 years old and from minnesota. new years day the missus was up at 7 to watch the sunrise. funny, so was i. i felt like i was saying good morning to my mom. well not my mom. but someones.


feel it! also - you know that friend off to the right totally has pants full of sand.





i went running after a dog.


and found some more people! and this amazing little pool.


got you. but seriously don't let this amazing face fool you: this dog was a total asshole.


i take pictures of little girls. again it's no secret that i'm a complete creep.


nothing but peace as far as the eye can see.



i wish that atv was ours.


chillingest cat in all of christendome.



it's the same head.


it's still the same head. and seriously? i can't stop laughing.


hiyme and his serenades. so. good.


bathing suit? check. towels? check. sunscreen? check. portable beach hookah con hookah water/sand proof stand? check. laughing stock of my entire vacation? CHECK!


i really rocked this look hard. i wanted to call down from heaven the spirit of ashley from survivor . duh i succeeded. my torch was not put out. on a related note, i'm pretty sure ashley's in a 'movie' i own.


paulo. i loved that my horse had such a sophisticated name.


this was incredibly difficult to do. and no doubt extremely stupid and dangerous.


shes says to me 'you only took one picture of me horseback riding?' really? how many did you take?


olivia's top broke while horseback riding. what better way to break your top!?



have you ever seen something more prehistoric? i almost don't believe these things are really still procreating, but more just are all displaced refugees of a once great empire of lobster people and are all close to 700,000 years old. what?


mauricio using a rock to open the lahb-stahs. to note: i just learned that you can't kill a lobster before you cook it. it becomes poisonous. it has to be killed by cooking it. is this common knowledge?!?! judging by the way richard (my boss) looked at me when i said i was not aware of this fact, i would say yes. but really?? i mean...health class...or home ec class...they gotta get it together. i could've killed a million people.

also to note: these lobsters were dead for at least an hour before we cooked them. why am i still alive? crock of shit, that rule. no doubt instilled by tyrannical sadists.


if you've ever read the chronicles of narnia you'll know what i'm sayin when i say that i know what the crew of the dawn treader was sayin when they didn't have to eat at the end of their voyage. hungry? no. my soul's pretty full right now, thanks.


how's the surf? lemme just go outside.


i dropped one of those lobsters on the ground. on that note, i feel like the 5-second rule is more like...the infiniti-second rule when it comes to lobsters dropped on the floor of your terrace in garden of eden, mexico. who gives?


most perfect time ever. there are wonderful moments like this where i'm no where else, mind, body, and soul, and can thoroughly revel. nevermind that they mostly revolve around dinners.


hai perfection.


i'm going to take this opportunity to introduce (right to left) alex, gabriel, erick, and ray. they turned out to be our saladita staple friends. amazing guys really and was awesome to meet a group of friends that were just as close to each other as we were. it goes without saying that they were all, also like us, real pieces. bonfire of the vanities!


it's almost midnight! get your asses on the beach people! casually of course.


oh alright. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 guys!


what, no tongue kiss? i have to stop making that face. olivia however - you look fucking radiant. happy 09 sister soul.





our friends celebrated with sparklers!! exactly! but rather aggressively no??


hey guys!


obligatory jump picture! so necessary.


what is that face?


this is the bar. the only bar. i could go there every night and never get bored. lit? max fish? vomit. lourdes's.


waiting for the bathroom.



whoa denise! i'm seduced!




biggest hammock EVER.


this is me and stephan. he's from quebec. as was his friend max. the best thing about them was their friend's french to spanish sex phrase book. i mean stephan and max were awesome, but that book was fucking hilarious. what on earth can we be talking about? something simply mind blowing by the looks of it.


hi max! what a good pic! we nicknamed him maxico. but really the whole trip was maxico.


stuart and gabriel continuing to raise the roof.


i came home to change. and wash my face. i felt like paper maché. i also had to invite the dogs in while i changed. i'm such a creep. but ok. dog in the front is the weirdest dog. but also the best. he also ate half of my boot. but you know what? evolved humans know that david berkowitz did what he did cause he was crazy. and you just...can't hate crazy. one could argue though that you also don't invite them into your house and give them water and crackers. potato/patata (doesn't really work outside of speech). the dog in the back was the only girl dog for about 50 miles, judging by how much action she was getting.

so there was some sun rise watching and the like, but then stuart left to go get his car. and his drugs. his exact propsition was 'ladies, my tent (MY TENT) is the best and i have an incredible aero bed. this hangover is gonna be difficult. the best cure is to lay in bed, eat xanex, and watch movies all day tomorrow. all of these i have in my tent (MY TENT) and i promise i won't try to have sex with you. i just want to cuddle.' yeah...i've heard that before. actually NO I HAVEN'T. WHO IS THAT BOLD?!? but the point is that he did eventually leave to get the xanex. he came back, we ate the xanex (all except me and alex), and pumped the jams in the car and danced on the beach. after a while erick and stuart took off and tore up and down the beach in the car - the image of them driving back, top speed, stuart driving in hat/sunglass/cigarette in teeth outfit, windshield wipers going, ridding said shield of beer being thrown onto it by erick, who's hanging out of the passenger side window, screaming (yalping maybe?) will forever be imprinted in my mind. it was amazing. a live reenactment of fear and loathing, if ever i saw one. thank you boys.

of course alex and gabriel had to go for a spin. after strapping them in, erick turns to me and said 'i just strapped my best friends into a death machine. i buckled their seatbelts! i'm the worst friend ever.' i laughed and laughed and laughed and then i turned to gaze upon the ocean and saw a surfer. 'wow,' i exclaimed. 'the world is certainly made of different people! those who are up at 8 am, new years day, and those who are up at 8am on new years day!' then i realized that it was denise. 'no no. I'M the worst friend.'


luckily she didn't drown. WTF?!



happy 09! i look like a total zomb.


here is not denise as she has PESTERED me into taking down an adorable photograph. in it she's just about to say to me 'isn't that alex , stuart, and gabriel walking toward us?' walking? where is the car guys? why are your pants wet? (for whatever reason i didn't take a picture of them.)


just get in the truck and don't ask questions.


oh there it is! ...but really i mean what else could've happened?? if this didn't happen, i would've felt cheated.

editor's note:
dear denise. the next time you take my camera and erase a photo from it, i may have to pull some of your hair out. i bet you thought i didn't notice. i did. oh i did. unfortunately that photo was really adorable. i think i even said out loud 'oh that was cute. blog alert!' for the record, in my head i said 'i'm a total nerd most of the time'. and you've used up all of your photo vetoing rights for the decade.


oh hai. this is the grossest thing i've ever done. also in an effort to create more room on my camera this series got erased. the series was a group of about 6 photos chronicling the progression of what was essentially a disgusting game of jenga. this of course is the culmination.



never forget to be a gentleman. great job!


it doesn't look nearly as bad as it really is...


not even a shadow of a clue of what we were talking about here.



oh stuart. you still have your hat on. everything is irie.


it would be a lie if i said i didn't enjoy this.


is that guy in his underwear?


denise's new year's resolution was to get tetnus. done!


for scale.


ok this guy. this guy is DEFINITELY 'that guy'. italics AND quotes??? yes. both. i mean...here we are trying to get the car out of the water and 1) he just sits there? dude, this is not manhattan. that attitude has got to go. in saladita people get up, get out, and do something. do you know how hard alex and fat man scoop with the 'tow truck' bro'd down later on in the day??? he took him fishing in his boat! AND he fucking gave him what they caught. you just suck, my friend. point number 2) you sat by in THAT OUTFIT. you look like every creepy dude that hit on me in 1995 while i waited for my mom to pick me up at the mall. but really...is it a cool 55 degrees out? no it's barely 9 am and its already 87 out. why the hell are you wearing TWO sweatshirts? the only thing i can come up with is that you're on your way to the airport and your bag won't close so you have to wear all your largest clothes. that's certainly my secret. and the topper? number 3) you're scowling at me for taking your picture? pff you're absurd.


erick! erick helped me make fun of previous creepy tree/mall guy for at least 5 minutes. funniest erick i've ever met.*

*i mean, i've known a funnier erics, but he corners the erick market.


with doctors like this...


and here's where stuart touched my boob. and i said 'stuart stop that. it's weird.' and he said 'no. really it's not. it's fine.'


it's exhausting debating that kind of logic.


this may look obscene but really it's just love. and denise is so petite feet with that caress!


lunch anyone? i mean...god almighty.


last day. frown clown town.


so i had never washed this shirt before. even when i bought it. but i figured, it's white (basically)! i'll see it if it's dirty! right? wrong. that water may look like this was the last thing i washed. nope. the first. gross? that doesn't even begin to describe it.

soak it up! oh i'm crying thinking about this.

i took these pictures for denise. at 6 am. nevermind that call time was 7. hour sleep? perfect for driving! after about 2 hours of driving i decided 'hey guys? i'm seeing spots and feel like i'm in a who framed roger rabbit. hiyme? your turn.'



smoking kills! yeah no shit. i'm still coughing and sleeping with a humidifier. thank you and goodnight mexico!