now you've done it.

so i did it! i donated my eggs! hey-ya.

i feel wonderful about it. the other day i was telling a friend who was curious about the whole thing start to finish & you know her reaction was: so you dont think you want kids yourself?

ill tell you that scared the dickens out of me. does she know something i somehow missed in my extensive research?? well, not much to do about it now.

the honest truth is no, probably not gonna want that. it's not for me.

she agreed. she shared that she probably won't want them either. that surprised me a lot more than i thought it would. not because she strikes me as a maternal person, but more because i'm not sure if anyone's ever agreed with me. at least not a woman.

i've wondered many times aloud what it is about this decision that strikes people as odd & why most people insist i'll change my mind when i get older or meet someone who's magical.

i've met many magical men & i'm certainly of age.

so why can't i just live? when i say i dont want a cat people are like OH YEAH TOTALLY WHO THE FUCK LIKES CATS??

not everyone...but some people.

ok one person.

i'm mulling it over.

i go to this site a lot for many different reasons, the slightest of which not being that i love all things womanly.


they had a great article a while ago re: women who don't want kids. the first woman they feature i felt an instant kinship with.



there is so much to think about. in a perfect world what i really hope is that the man i'm with will have a child already. in my last relationship i experienced the very unique confusion & distress that comes up when one wants children & the other doesn't.

of course we rarely if ever spoke about it, but for me it was a point of contention that grew directly in proportion to our love for each other. i often thought of it when i felt the strength of the stability & bond of the relationship & it would really rock me.

i imagine that this is only going to be a bigger issue moving forward. never say never & i certainly wont say i'm completely closed off to the idea of kids.

i just hope i get to explore the other side of the norm. i dont want to be pushed.