its a dirty old town, a dirty old town

hey yall! remember when i was working on the movie? REMEMBER?

well look. it's a REAL THING.

watch the trailer HERE and visit the site for updates HERE.

you can also follow the dirt old trail on TWITTER DO IT NOW @dirtyoldmovie !

you so crazy you make me wanna blog...

maybe if there was anything important at all EVER that happened in canada this wouldn't have happened.

but seriously? SERIOUSLY?!

Can you imagine this email chain as they designed?



The thing that gets me is that this isn't just one person's backyard BBQ. NO NO! Its the whole political party of Saaskcndttewan.

Or however you spell it.

ANIMAL

i'm a big fan of animal collective. if me & my friends hanging out required a score i would write a song just like that.

in fact we have written songs together. around a campfire. in the middle of the night. holding torches. and it's no surprise that they seemed to have been lifted directly from an animal collective album.

there's something about that psychedelic/forest/joyful/hymn/chant/spell/magik/marching band/nonsense combo that really hits the spot.

and now i'm so pleased that they're having a show at the guggenheim! it's really satisfying to see artists who can communicate on all sorts of levels. it creates a stronger appreciation as a fan that they're more connected to themselves & their audience when they can translate what it is they're needing to put into the world & it's still keeps it shape, if not grows.

of course it's an audio-based show with visuals; not too different i suppose from the music/music video format, but the description i think takes the idea of "music" as a means to create or influence or enhance a mood and builds on that. they've taken sounds that aren't necessarily readily available here in the city & made them so. birds, wind, trees, etc. they've taken these sounds & created a mood with them through their visuals & the edit in order to create a reaction that, to me, seems much more subtle & integrative than listening to music does. when you put on a song, you ready yourself for the experience of that. that journey you're taking, to some extent, outside of daily life. it's stylized. however arranging natural sounds will have a completely opposite effect.

its also interesting to have them in a classic gallery space, which alludes that these sounds are scared, precious, or even art themselves.

i know as a NYer i definitely feel at times that these things are. but its an interesting assertion nevertheless.

be gone demon

my dad just called & gave me the rundown of the history of valentines day. st valentines day, for those in the know.

what a sweet man. i'm glad he's my valentine.


on this day of love, i am hungover & tired & generally cloudy but here's an amazing valentine from the 1880s




my favorite angel is the little queen bee right in the front. i bet there's a spot from him on rupaul's drag race.


a poem for the day

aint love funny

i take my heart to the sun & it's become transparent

a filter

a gel

shine any light i see through this light of mine & every place is colored a me-colored color

i fold it, carry it in my jacket, in my purse, wherever it fits.

fold & unfold & refold & photocopies make it spread

aint no one eaten this paper heart yet

aint no one thrown it away

aint no one folded it into a paper airplane & made it soar over the earth

aint no one exchanged it like money or a check

aint no one but me remember the shape & the size by touch

i love this funny heart, beating weakly in my pocket

rhythm life pumping blood pumping good

it unfolds & swallows people whole, uncovers itself & gets blown around like the most beautiful cloud there could ever be

dont take my heart

you cant cage this heart

it may be small but its mighty & its afraid

you cant ever hold this heart

because this heart only has one life, one shape, one time to be & its only home is my hands

stand back, take your look & feel free to touch

but dont take

just give the gift of recognition & memorize its tempo

and sing it softly, steadily back

no doubt girl.

there is no disputing the fact that kelly cutrone is a total lunatic, but shit if i don't love her.

go buy her book. i'm not endorsing anything yet, but i bet it's worth reading.

there's a chapter named from warrior to warrior. SOLD.

now you've done it.

so i did it! i donated my eggs! hey-ya.

i feel wonderful about it. the other day i was telling a friend who was curious about the whole thing start to finish & you know her reaction was: so you dont think you want kids yourself?

ill tell you that scared the dickens out of me. does she know something i somehow missed in my extensive research?? well, not much to do about it now.

the honest truth is no, probably not gonna want that. it's not for me.

she agreed. she shared that she probably won't want them either. that surprised me a lot more than i thought it would. not because she strikes me as a maternal person, but more because i'm not sure if anyone's ever agreed with me. at least not a woman.

i've wondered many times aloud what it is about this decision that strikes people as odd & why most people insist i'll change my mind when i get older or meet someone who's magical.

i've met many magical men & i'm certainly of age.

so why can't i just live? when i say i dont want a cat people are like OH YEAH TOTALLY WHO THE FUCK LIKES CATS??

not everyone...but some people.

ok one person.

i'm mulling it over.

i go to this site a lot for many different reasons, the slightest of which not being that i love all things womanly.


they had a great article a while ago re: women who don't want kids. the first woman they feature i felt an instant kinship with.



there is so much to think about. in a perfect world what i really hope is that the man i'm with will have a child already. in my last relationship i experienced the very unique confusion & distress that comes up when one wants children & the other doesn't.

of course we rarely if ever spoke about it, but for me it was a point of contention that grew directly in proportion to our love for each other. i often thought of it when i felt the strength of the stability & bond of the relationship & it would really rock me.

i imagine that this is only going to be a bigger issue moving forward. never say never & i certainly wont say i'm completely closed off to the idea of kids.

i just hope i get to explore the other side of the norm. i dont want to be pushed.

so very tired

i am getting so fed up with this egg donation. trying to stay positive but i'm just so over the blood tests & ultrasounds & anxiety & early wake up calls & injections & pills. i have no doubt about the fact that this is awesome & i'd do it all over again but man i can't wait for it to be done.

in between all of this i've been hanging out like it's my job. from topanga canyon new age healing bar-b-ques to downtown loft party madness to after hour clubs to swimming in indoor pools once belonging to the rat pack, this trip has certainly delivered in the fun department.

collage inspired by a guy hitting on me with the most random intense things, rejecting him, & then him LITERALLY turning around & kicking the same game to my best friend. she rejected him too. not a bad guy, just so mystified & horrified by these tactics.

sing sweet lullaby

'wanna fly? you gotta give up that shit that weighs you down.' - toni morrison, song of solomon





what a powerful way with words this woman has. fills me with wonder & excitement about the creative spark within myself & everyone around. such great things are to be made!

wanna meet that decade.

denise said yesterday: 'i guess this past decade was the time to be confused. this decade is when we do it. i mean, wow, if you're going to have children, get married, families, create your life, its gonna happen this time.'

made me shake in my skin a little bit. i know how i feel now about having children. i know how i feel now about getting married. i wonder then what will this decade hold for me? i was pretty good at defining my 20s, all about party & bullshit & crippling waves of depressive anxiety...i held that down. i completely filled the expected.

but now i wonder how i will fill this most important decade to come. most certainly not with party & bullshit, & so on & so forth. something will change.

but so if not with babies or husbands, maybe dogs & books? here's hoping!

hopefully with wonderous expeditions, fascinating people, & deeply satisfying moments.

here's to a few great big love affairs.

and lets plan on learning to surf & continuing the tradition of total babedom.

i made this collage for the new year. i'm in LA & its wonderful for the fact that i can stretch the hell out. but i wish in the city proper, it felt more claustrophobic.

and man did anyone see that moon tonight?




HAPPY TWENTY TEN!

JESUS, WHERE ARE THE TELEPORTATION STATIONS ALREADY?